I love black thongs
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
i want to swaddle you in tequila
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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