So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
