absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Randomize
