It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
