okay pat passed out under dana's car
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
