if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
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