just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
its liver damage thursday
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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