Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
