he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
