I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
