she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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