So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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