So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
