I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Come on in and take your pants off
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