In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
