gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
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