shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
