I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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