Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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