How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
