My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
