my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
