Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
