Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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