hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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