I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
