i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
