Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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