did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
