the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
