I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
