At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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