I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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