singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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