My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
