omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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