Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Green mimosas i think yes
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
