Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
