I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
