So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
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