The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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