The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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