i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Randomize
