i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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