This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
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