in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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