Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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