My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
this is an emotional support booty call
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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