Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
