Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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