my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Randomize
