Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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