Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
In other news, I just burned my penis
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
