Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
