I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
