when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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