I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
