we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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