Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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