Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
he thought i was a dude.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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