Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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